Sanctuary and Serenity

My Need to Trust.
Trusting is one of the most difficult tasks I have to master.  Because of my abuse, I learned that no one could be trusted – not me, not any God, and definately not other people.  I have lived most of my life in fear, yet constantly longing to at last be able to trust someone or something.
As a child my natural instinct to trust was taken from me by my abusers.  After repeated attempts at trusting other people, I didn’t experience a feeling of safety.  People within my family were loyal only to the secret about the sexual abuse and did not provide a natural trusting environment for me.  I quickly concluded that life and the world were not safe.
I need to be most gentle and patient with my need and longing to trust while healing.  I have lived my life for so long with fear and distrust, that I need to be very patient, gentle, and slow with myself in developing this ability.
I can allow myself to take little risks in trusting as I “test the waters,” and I can notice, and appreciate my valiant efforts to change.