Posts Tagged ‘The Path’
My Child’s Honorable Courage to Survive.
As I think back on all the troubles and the odds that my inner-child fought against, just to survive, I cannot help but marvel at her courage. It is amazing that such a small spirit could prevail in the face of so many abuses, some on a daily basis.
I am learning to appreciate this young child’s courage by observing other survivors as they rail and fight against the offender feeling of shame, the feeling that tells them they do not deserve to live.
Every time I see a survivor turn toward life by simply confronting those sometimes all-consuming feelings of shame and fear, I can really celebrate my own inner-child’s miraculous courage for survival. She truly is a warrior and a gentle soul, still waiting to be loved and recognized. All my gratitude goes to that inner child for all her valiant and rather persistent efforts to survive under such odds.
Take Time to Notice the Beauty of the World.
Sometimes, I get lost in my own chaos of reliving the horrid past and trying to figure out the future. These are the times that I need to take a deep breath to reconnect with the things in this world that support my inner spirit.
Wherever I look today, I will see beauty. When I go through my day, I will notice my surroundings and find beauty in everything. I may feel, see, smell, and hear the beauty. The world offers an endless variety of absolute wonder and loveliness. I can use all of my senses to experience the world I am in. I will see birds, trees, the clouds, rain drops, rainbows…If I just open myself to it.
I Was Born Precious.
I am beginning to notice the un-debatable preciousness of babies. When I see a baby, I see they are precious and worth-ful, and that our Higher Power has granted this to each soul born into this world.
When I look at a baby and I realize that I, too, was once that young, I can finally believe that I was born precious and worth-ful.
I may feel deep pain as I realize this, and this pain is part of the grieving that I need to do for my inner-child. My preciousness and self-worth may not have been evident, or may have been stripped from my consciousness a little each time I was abused.
If I imagine myself as a precious and worth-ful newborn I can slowly and gently bring these qualities to my adult-being. These inherent qualities were never lost to me. They were buried beneath layers of shame and guilt – the shame and guilt of my abuser.
One of the thing I did not receive as a child was the quality of gentleness. The sexual abuse was not gentle to my body, emotions, spirit, or intellect. Instead I got disrespect, harshness, and sometimes brutality. It is not a surprise that one of the hardest things for me to give myself now, is gentleness.
When I feel critical of myself, I will stop and remember that this emanates from all the messages I received from my offenders. Instead of continuing to support these falsities, I will start to replace the thoughts with ones I originally deserved to hear – full of gentleness and loving support of my precious being. This is one of the ways in which I can continue to hold the right people accountable and I can begin to adopt an attitude of gentleness toward myself.
I need to be gentle with all parts of myself. I have too long had the burden of someone else’s sickness and shame.
I can be gentle with myself by honoring and respecting all of my feelings and by affirming the beautifully, unique pace of my healing process. I will treat myself as I would a young child in times of great pain and fear – with patience, understanding, and gentleness.
I am coming to believe that, I had no control over these events; that there was a force much greater than just me at work in my life. I am becoming more willing to believe in a Higher Power at work in the universe. My inner-child may need to express her feelings about all this directly to that Power, since she has always felt so alone and unsupported. She can even be angry with this Higher Power. This is how she will receive healing and learn to trust.