Posts Tagged ‘pace’
As a child I was hurried to do things before I was ready. Someone else’s needs always came before mine, and I learned to push my needs to a position of lesser importance. I may have come to believe that my needs weren’t important. Others’ timing became my timing.
As I recover from my abuse, I learn that I must come first. I talk to my child-within about her needs on a daily basis and allow her all the time she needs to do something. This will become a constant permission-giving process as I affirm my child’s needs as coming first. Whatever she needs to do, say, or feel, I allow her the time she requires.
I affirm that I have all the time in the world for her each time I give her internal permission to have her needs met. I no longer allow others’ expectations or timetables to become mine. I honor and respect my own unique timing and allow my precious child all the time she needs. She has waited so long – she deserves to finally go at her own pace.
One of the thing I did not receive as a child was the quality of gentleness. The sexual abuse was not gentle to my body, emotions, spirit, or intellect. Instead I got disrespect, harshness, and sometimes brutality. It is not a surprise that one of the hardest things for me to give myself now, is gentleness.
When I feel critical of myself, I will stop and remember that this emanates from all the messages I received from my offenders. Instead of continuing to support these falsities, I will start to replace the thoughts with ones I originally deserved to hear – full of gentleness and loving support of my precious being. This is one of the ways in which I can continue to hold the right people accountable and I can begin to adopt an attitude of gentleness toward myself.
I need to be gentle with all parts of myself. I have too long had the burden of someone else’s sickness and shame.
I can be gentle with myself by honoring and respecting all of my feelings and by affirming the beautifully, unique pace of my healing process. I will treat myself as I would a young child in times of great pain and fear – with patience, understanding, and gentleness.