Sanctuary and Serenity

Posts Tagged ‘Tools


Often we set limits on ourselves, like blinders.  Here is your opportunity to take those limits away, to extend yourself, to do things you haven’t done for yourself in a while.  Do something you don’t usually do.  Get a massage.  Go fishing.  Go bowling.  Treat yourself to a delicious meal.  Go to the Planetarium.  Hear a concert of music you never listen to.  Start drawing with your non-dominant hand.  Write a love letter and send it to yourself.  Visualize your success, then create it!  There are absolutely no limits on this one.

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.

Do this purposely.  The world has more than enough people determined to become “As.”  Find an area in your life where you can be a “C” student and then cultivate being a “C.”  This means you do not have to be the expert or to live up to the highest standards.  Deliberately take the pressure off yourself once in a while, and be a “C” student.  You will be surprised at how much you learn about yourself from this exercise!

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.


Close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and exhale.  Now breathe in and push your navel out as you inhale.  Bring your navel back as you exhale.  Do this a few times, just breathe in and out and extend and contract your stomach.  Concentrate on this totally.
The next time you are under fire, or are afraid you will burst with anger and do something destructive, take a few centering breaths instead.  You can easily do it with your eyes wide open.  No one will ever know.  You will stay centered and will avoid reacting.

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.

The next time you are angry, don’t do what you usually do. Instead, do something else. If you are a yeller, say nothing. If you are a runner, stay in the room. If you crumple, if your body sags with defeat, move about and stand tall. Make sure you do something different and see what happens!

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.


Feelings are like the clouds on a bright sunny day.  They come and go as long as we don’t hold onto them.  So let them come and go.  Don’t hold onto either the pleasant or the unpleasant ones.

Understand That You Are NOT Your Feelings.

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.


These are phrases to use when you are so triggered that you can’t say anything else.  Memorize these scripts.  They will come in handy.
“Anything else?”
Use this when the other person is heaping their garbage on you and is convinced s/he is right.  Just keep asking, “Is there anything else?” in your most modulated tone, and s/he’ll quickly run out of steam.
“Oh”
Keep repeating “oh,” instead of answering.  You can smile if you want, but say nothing more than “oh.”  Be mindful of your tone of voice.  See how many ways you can say this word.  Challenge yourself to pick a very pleasant tone.  You might feel like a fool, but that simple word will quickly decrease hostility.  Do not rescue the other person; simply say “oh.”
“Tell me more.”
Mean it when you say it.  “Tell me more” is a sincere attempt to gather more information, to get the facts straight.  You can even write them down, asking permission first.  By the third asking, the other person usually feels complete.
“You may be right.  I could be more patient, thoughtful, etc.”
This is very useful when someone – particularly a family member – is criticizing you.  Instead of reacting, begin to understand their point of view.  Use the words “may” and “could.”  These words imply that you may be agreeing with the other person even though you may not be.
By Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger….


Take your right hand and cover your mouth.  Take your left hand and place it firmly on top of your right hand.  Count to three, inhale, and then scream at the top of your lungs.  Notice what happens.  You can barely hear yourself, right?  So do it again.  How does your throat feel?  A little sore?  That’s okay; it will pass.  Did you laugh?  Did you feel freer?
You can use this scream anywhere – at your desk or in front of company.  Just bend your head when you do it and they’ll think you’re coughing.  It gets rid of anger instantly, clears your throat, and takes any buildup away.  If you are the type who wants to say deadly things and have come to realize how damaging this behaviour is, then the three-second scream will come in handy.  If you’re a “shoot first” person, try “scream first” instead.  It cuts down on casualties.

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.


Write a letter to the person with whom you are angry.  Say everything you ever wanted to say to them.  Do not edit it.  Write out all your anger, then destroy the letter.  Do not leave it in a place where the person you are angry at can find it.  Tear it up, flush it, burn it, bury it.  Writing can get your feelings out, where they can do no damage.  Also, writing can often put you in touch with feelings you didn’t know you had.  Under no condition do you send this letter, even when your mind tells you it would be a good idea!

~Angela Jackson, Celebrating Anger.


Choosing to Live in the Moment.
Many times in my life, my fear or self-loathing is so intense, that I feel I can’t go on.  I may have chosen to be hospitalized in the past, to keep me from harming myself or others.  I need to commend myself for doing this as this action may have kept me and my precious spirit alive and well, so that we could continue healing.
Those feelings may come back to me again, with the same intensity, but because of my continuing recovery, I know that I have many choices today – other than hospitalization.  I can allow that specific choice to be one of my last resorts and trust that I and the guides in my life will know when I need to use that option.
For now I can stay alive by using all my recovery tools and I can choose to live only for this moment.  This means that I will not look or think any further than what is happening in this present moment in my life.  I will focus on it by noticing my surroundings, what I am seeing, hearing, and how I am feeling.  I could write this down to affirm these facts for myself.  This will help to “ground” me in the reality of the present.
When the feelings are less intense, I can choose to look backward to feel feelings I have frozen inside.  This way I can heal and move on with my life.  This is different from being so overwhelmed by past feelings to the point of immobilization.  Staying focused on the present moment can keep me safe, sane, alive, and functioning.  I will use my creativity to choose activities to keep me focused on the present – like taking a walk, picking some flowers, washing the dishes, or running an errand.  Whatever it takes, I will do.