Posts Tagged ‘time’
As a child I was hurried to do things before I was ready. Someone else’s needs always came before mine, and I learned to push my needs to a position of lesser importance. I may have come to believe that my needs weren’t important. Others’ timing became my timing.
As I recover from my abuse, I learn that I must come first. I talk to my child-within about her needs on a daily basis and allow her all the time she needs to do something. This will become a constant permission-giving process as I affirm my child’s needs as coming first. Whatever she needs to do, say, or feel, I allow her the time she requires.
I affirm that I have all the time in the world for her each time I give her internal permission to have her needs met. I no longer allow others’ expectations or timetables to become mine. I honor and respect my own unique timing and allow my precious child all the time she needs. She has waited so long – she deserves to finally go at her own pace.
I didn’t realize that “healing” meant pain. I saw healing as a relieving process. As an adult, if I consider a physical wound, I understand that it will hurt at first and sometimes for a while as new body tissue is forming to heal the wound. So it is with my sexual abuse wounds and healing. As I become more and more aware of the wounds, I can start to feel the pain that has been frozen or buried – sometimes for years. Feeling this pain is a natural part of my healing process, and I can get support as this occurs.
There may be many times when I don’t believe I can survive the pain of the healing process – that my wounds are too deep. If I can just believe that I can and will survive this healing process, I can go through any pain I might find. I will not die from feeling this pain. I may need to believe I will survive simply because someone else tells me I can, or because I see another survivor healing and surviving. This is how, very slowly, I come to a place of knowing within myself that I will survive.
“Living well is the best revenge.”
I can start by telling my truth(s) – as I begin to know of them – to those safe people who will believe me, and not pity me. As I get stronger I will know when I feel safe telling people that I may not know so well. This is how I will connect with, get support from, and perhaps in time, help other survivors.