Sanctuary and Serenity

Posts Tagged ‘time

As a child I was hurried to do things before I was ready.  Someone else’s needs always came before mine, and I learned to push my needs to a position of lesser importance.  I may have come to believe that my needs weren’t important.  Others’ timing became my timing.
As I recover from my abuse, I learn that I must come first.  I talk to my child-within about her needs on a daily basis and allow her all the time she needs to do something.  This will become a constant permission-giving process as I affirm my child’s needs as coming first.  Whatever she needs to do, say, or feel, I allow her the time she requires.
I affirm that I have all the time in the world for her each time I give her internal permission to have her needs met.  I no longer allow others’ expectations or timetables to become mine.  I honor and respect my own unique timing and allow my precious child all the time she needs.  She has waited so long – she deserves to finally go at her own pace.

Surviving the Process of Healing.
I didn’t realize that “healing” meant pain.  I saw healing as a relieving process.  As an adult, if I consider a physical wound, I understand that it will hurt at first and sometimes for a while as new body tissue is forming to heal the wound.  So it is with my sexual abuse wounds and healing.  As I become more and more aware of the wounds, I can start to feel the pain that has been frozen or buried – sometimes for years.  Feeling this pain is a natural part of my healing process, and I can get support as this occurs.
There may be many times when I don’t believe I can survive the pain of the healing process – that my wounds are too deep.  If I can just believe that I can and will survive this healing process, I can go through any pain I might find.  I will not die from feeling this pain.  I may need to believe I will survive simply because someone else tells me I can, or because I see another survivor healing and surviving.  This is how, very slowly, I come to a place of knowing within myself that I will survive.
“Living well is the best revenge.”
If I choose life – my life – and make health important in all parts of it, I will be helping to heal my wounds.  I do not and will not die for anyone.  I will do whatever it takes to heal.  I am not on a time schedule.  I will heal in exactly the way and in the amount of time I need and deserve.  My life, my way, my time, my schedule!

Telling My Truth.
When I start to tell the truth about my abuse I will notice that the voice of my abuser deep inside me will sometimes get louder and try to be more convincing.  The offender will try to tell me that I may be imagining the abuse, that he would never do such a thing, and maybe that I am crazy.  It isn’t until I really listen to the small, wise and truthful voice of that small inner-child that I can start to heal.  It is when I listen to this voice inside, and believe me no matter what I am hearing, that I can start to trust my adult-self.  As I hear and tell my truths, I start to be set free from the bonds of all those lies that I have believed in for so long – lies that may have cost me my life, my sanity, and my self.
I can start by telling my truth(s) – as I begin to know of them – to those safe people who will believe me, and not pity me.  As I get stronger I will know when I feel safe telling people that I may not know so well.  This is how I will connect with, get support from, and perhaps in time, help other survivors.