Posts Tagged ‘affirming’
What Was Done to Me as a Child Is NOT Who That Child Was.
With my child’s mind, I thought that who I was as a child was directly related to my sexual abuse. Since I had no one to tell me how precious and worthful I was, no matter what was done to me, I figured that what was done to me was who I was – shameful and terrifying!
I carried these feelings inside me, into my adulthood and continued to wonder why I had so much self-loathing and so little self-esteem. I may have even tried to rid myself of these “demons” by trying to do away with myself. Perhaps I could see no other way to relieve myself of these overwhelmingly painful feelings.
I have learned in recovery that those feelings of shame and terror were not at all a part of who that child was. They were feelings passed on to me by my abuser’s shameful and terrorizing acts.
With my recovering adult thinking, I can separate the acts of my abuser from my precious and worthful child. I do this by affirming that child and by walking with her through the grief and process of returning the shameful feelings to her abusers. I become lighter and more joy-filled as I continue to let go of shame that does not belong to me and as I allow myself to have the feelings about what was done to me.
In my process of recovery and healing, I might go through periods of time when I feel hopeless and overwhelmed. These are the times that I need to reach out for and accept all the help that I can get. I might not always like the form the help may take, but if it helps me stay alive and does not hurt me, then I need to accept it as a part of my healing process.
There may be times when I would simply rather give up than have to accept help, once again. Every time that I go on, despite my strong doubts and misgivings, I am honoring and affirming my absolute right to live a happy and free life.
When I feel overwhelmed and frightened, I can look for the help that my Higher Power is giving to me and can accept it with as much gratitude as I can.