Posts Tagged ‘healing’
I Don’t Have to Bear Those Unbearable Situations.
My choices were very limited when I was a child. I couldn’t choose my parents, environment, or what happened in my environment. Not only was I powerless, I was also helpless. By surviving my abuse, I learned to bear terrifying situations that were abusive to my spirit and soul, emotions, and body. I may have dissociated in order to deal with this abuse, or I might have buried memories and feelings. I learned to bear the truly unbearable. It was my way of surviving and keeping myself and my soul alive.
Now I am an adult and it is conceivable that I might just forget that I don’t have to do this any longer. I may not even recognize abusive or unhealthy situations until someone gently brings my attention to them. I am so used to numbing out, or believing that I should be “tough,” that I may stay in unhealthy situations long after I need to. I can help my healing process by checking in with my inner-child to see if she is feeling as if she is being asked to “bear up” once again. I can then use that knowledge along with my judgment to decide if I need to leave a situation or stay. I can make better decisions today about what is challenging and what is hurtful if I am willing to tune in to my child-within’s feelings and exercise my mature thinking.
Making changes will be a process of trial and error and will certainly involve risk and some faith. I will allow myself to make mistakes and know that I will grow from this natural process. Sometimes the amount of pain I am in will help me to determine more readily what I need to do to take care of myself today.
Taking Back My Power!
Victims/survivors of childhood sexual abuse sometimes spend many hours, days, years, waiting for someone to finally come and rescue them. This is childlike thinking and it might keep us locked in a negative mode of refusing to take responsibility for our own lives. We might have assumed surface responsibilities – working, socializing, supporting ourselves financially, emotionally, maybe even thriving in this area. To everyone else, we may appear to be in perfect control of our own destiny.
In real life, we have this tiny inner-child who is still waiting for someone to take care of all those unmet emotional needs. A basic part of growing up and, indeed, healing is realizing that no one else is going to do that for us. It is my job now. It belonged to my caregivers at one time, but now I am an adult. I am the one who can help to meet the emotional needs of my inner-child. She deserves to be attended to.
As I am willing to take simple responsibilities for my own life as an adult, I start to take back my power. I have cheated myself out of this opportunity for growth by waiting for someone else to supply that power for me.
I realize that I must keep on taking back my power from the abuser who originally took it and left me a victim. I will allow that abuser to have less of my power as I grow into taking back more responsibility for my own health. This affirms my inner-child and renames her a survivor – not a victim. Taking back my power is very empowering, and will help me to grow and become strong.
I have heard many people tell me that I was strong – maybe even at times when I felt the weakest. They were seeing the inner me – something that it is difficult for me to admit or even know of. I learned as a survivor of abuse that I was weaker – especially weaker than the abuser. My real gift of strength was stolen from me and has stayed hidden deep within me for years. This source of strength carried me through horrible and sometimes life-threatening situations. This is what other people have seen.
Once again it is my spirit within that has refused to give up, no matter what happened. It would not die during the abuse, and it refuses even more vehemently to die now. As I continue to choose this loving path of healing, I can have faith that my source of inner strength will continue to be there for me – even under the worst conditions. I am strong.
One of the thing I did not receive as a child was the quality of gentleness. The sexual abuse was not gentle to my body, emotions, spirit, or intellect. Instead I got disrespect, harshness, and sometimes brutality. It is not a surprise that one of the hardest things for me to give myself now, is gentleness.
When I feel critical of myself, I will stop and remember that this emanates from all the messages I received from my offenders. Instead of continuing to support these falsities, I will start to replace the thoughts with ones I originally deserved to hear – full of gentleness and loving support of my precious being. This is one of the ways in which I can continue to hold the right people accountable and I can begin to adopt an attitude of gentleness toward myself.
I need to be gentle with all parts of myself. I have too long had the burden of someone else’s sickness and shame.
I can be gentle with myself by honoring and respecting all of my feelings and by affirming the beautifully, unique pace of my healing process. I will treat myself as I would a young child in times of great pain and fear – with patience, understanding, and gentleness.