Sanctuary and Serenity

Archive for March 2010

I too, am guilty
Ashamed I sit, head in hands
I search my soul
To no avail, it’s an empty hole
M’Lord is forelorn.

Still he fails
To understand
The depth of concern and care he deserves
Grown deeper each day
Fed from the wellspring
Of my respect.

Your strength
Astounds me
As together we battle
Together we slay
The dragons that would inhabit our realm.

Yet in the heat of war
This aft
My hurried mind infused
With impeding victory
I lost my way.

I failed you M’Lord
Failed to deliver
My hearts red blood
To your feet
As I should.

Your battle skills
Set fire to my lost soul
And when enveloped in darkness
Your ferocious purity
Inspire and light my way.

Your skill
As you stand fast before adversity
Screaming your vengeance
Beg all who know you or of you
To stand by you, fast with you.

I beg forgiveness on bended knee
Know you this, fine Sir
My heart, soul and sword
Always yours
As together we slay all evil side by each.


From whence did this Knight come,
This Knight who has stolen
Her time, her thoughts, her heart?
This warrior and poet
Turned her blood molten.

So swiftly and surely
He has entered her realm
Unexpected and glorious,
Charging dragons and man alike
His wrath and fury, the makings of dreams.

How did he know her
Among so many millions
Knowing her inner soul
While others don’t see
Not even a glimpse.

A kindred soul, this Knight, he is
Who believes as she does inside
In times long ago and lives long lost
In honor, trust and the might of the sword
In fighting the good fight.

Together they banish the dark
They battle the dragons
And slay the enemy threefold
Back to back they stand
Stronger than any may reckon.

One look in his smiling eyes
And all resistance is lost
But lost is where it wants to be
Lost is the choice she would make
No matter the cost.

Slaying all dragons, cold steel in hand
To conquer and banish all that is wrong
Blistering winds and howling rains
Nothing can stop them
As one they do stand.

Then to the pool they will walk
To lose themselves in each other
To find their love in the passion
The passion that only true love
Can bring forth with such power.

Odd things I have done to previous apartments.   lol

Yes, the feet were done with actual feet dipped in paint.

And yes, I’m a closet Olivia Newton John fan.  LOL

This is TOTALLY my best score ever! Whoooot!!


And I have over 2 millions coins… for what?  I don’t know. lol

Yes, I’m bragging, but it isn’t everyday you get a score like that…. yay!!

The first spiderweb was painted with a lot of help!  lol  We all ended up blue and white!!!

The second I did by myself…. and still ended up painted…pfft. 😉

This is wonderful for time wasting and thank you MICHELLE for posting it!  Lovin’ it!


Some days, some times…. just like that.

Choices, decisions… sometimes too many.  Like chocolate bars or potato chips in a store.  Used to be so simple.  Now it’s a ten minute ordeal to choose one.  Like choices – you get older and they get tougher.

You know what’s right…. and you know what’s wrong.  Your head says one thing, your heart another.

To make a choice…so final – no take backs.  Not in this game.  Can’t undo, unsay, unbe a choice.  Not like in hopscotch, or tag, or hide and go seek…. You have to be sure… because the topics are more serious…although… as a kid we thought the choices we had to make were pretty serious, too.

You have got to see this video!!

Daisy Spinner’s Blog – there’s a video of the event and some absolutely wonderful, bright, colorful pictures!  It’s a total MUST SEE!


Words don’t do it justice… you have to see the pix.  😉

Friendly, Humanitarian, Honest, Loyal, Original, Inventive, Independent and Intellectual
Intractable, Contrary, Perverse, Unpredictable, Unemotional and Detached
Aquarians tend to be entrancing, exciting and unpredictable, yet somehow strangely detached from their surroundings. They are one of the zodiac’s most eccentric personalities. They are seekers of the new, unusual, and challenging which leads them in many directions. Aquarians may try many things but without stability they may master none. Aquarians are philanthropic and humanitarian by nature. They see their calling as making the world a better place for all of us.Adventurous Aquarians are not averse to risk taking. Their optimism and positive outlook, combined with idealism and the need to break new ground can lead them into quite unfamiliar territory–not that this bothers them, for they are willing to follow any new lead to its conclusion.

Aquarians are the bearers of originality, idealism and cosmic consciousness-with which they intend to drown materialism and tedium and injustice. Although Aquarians are compassionate and sympathetic to the needs of others, they do like things to go their way. Indeed, they can become very temperamental when things do not go their way. To the Aquarian the freedom to roam and explore is all-important. They hate to be tied down. These iconoclastic visionaries’ style often reflects social trends that will become the standard far in our future.

The Aquarian In Love:
One of the Aquarian’s deepest needs is for a satisfying, complementary relationship, which gives them freedom and tolerance along with mental and physical stimulation. With the right person they will be a passionate, uninhibited and understanding lover intent on maintaining their bond for life. Receptivity will calm Aquarians’ rebellious tendencies. Unlike many, Aquarians rarely feel any pangs of jealousy.Their sex-drive is not unduly strong, but their need to explore and be stimulated sometimes gives others the impression their desires are unconquerable. They can be very playful and attentive lovers and will put a great deal of energy into satisfying their partners. Aquarians are open to all forms of experimentation (in the pursuit of new knowledge, of course) and the field of sexuality and relationships is no exception. Even though deep down they seek security, their love of originality and exploring unusual new fields of endeavor gives them an attraction for partners with interesting, unconventional minds and bodies.
Famous Aquarians Include:
Charles Darwin, Thomas Alva Edison, Vanessa Redgrave, Frederick Douglas, Oprah Winfrey, Charles Dickens, John McEnroe, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Jack Nicklaus, Ronald Reagan, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Telly Savalas, Virginia Woolf, Babe Ruth, Mia Farrow, Carl Icahn, and Yoko Ono
Ideal Jobs Include:
Aquarians are well-suited to careers as inventors, politicians, writers, scientists, astronauts, artists and astrologers.
Lucky Numbers:
11, 29, 38, 47, 56
Planet: Uranus
Star Stone: Turquoise
Element: Air
Most Compatible With: Gemini, Libra or Aquarius

Have questions about your sexuality? So many survivors question their sexuality, and their confusion lays on whether the abuse that  they’ve survived has caused them not to be heterosexual. Ones sexual identity may not be who you are, yet it is an intregal part to who you are and your lifestyle! When one suffers abuse from previous to and including 5-6 years old, your views of what was a boundary, or what was the right way to handle a situation, even having had to have sexual encounters with children of the same sex. Thus, when you reached puberty or before you without realising it were apt to reenact what abuses you had previously suffered. This may have even been due to the need to find comfort and love as all people, all not just the abused need cuddles, comfort and kindness. It may have been a way to find it. This could cause one to suffer from sexual identity, and sexuality issues.

This sexual confusion could be based in that your sexual awareness was immersed from an early age when you hadn’t a choice let alone the fact that you weren’t sexual yet. Thus, losing your childhood your innocence and causing an teenage, young adult and adulthood of pain and confusion.

Sexuality and sexual orientation are very different. Your sexual orientation is who you are based on whom your attracted to which would lead you to being heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Sexuality is the sexual self as who you veiw yourself as being.

So it is very possible to have homosexual thoughts and not be homosexual and vice a versa. As for sexual orientation it is based on a continuum.. If you said that being 100% Homosexual was 1 on a scale of 1-10 and 100% heterosxual was 10, no one would ever be a 1 or a 10. Thus, most that identify as homosexual would probably be around a 3 to 4, and heterosexual about 8 -9, and what about bisexual, dead on 5? No proboably either side of five.

Hence people may have fantasies that are homosexual and not be homosexual and same for heterosexuality and not be heterosexual. So when someone identifies with being heterosexual and has that intrusive thought of being with someone of the same sex doesn’t make you a homosexual and vice a versa. The point being that sexuality isn’t about sexual organs, it is a mental connection with someone else, entirely. Thus, if your homosexual, you’d know it as it isn’t a choice, it just is. It is no different than a persons ethnicity. You are who you are, based on your knowledge and innner wisdom. One just doesn’t “turn” gay, or becomes homosexual. You either are or your not!

The issue too is whether your are having a sexual enncounter with someone due to it being a choice based on your wants and desires, or is it due to what you’ve been trained to do and/or a matter of automaticity. So, if your involved in a sexual relationship based on what others have defined you as being, and not your definition of who you are, then there is a problem.  Your not living your life your sexuality. That is why it is so important to make sure that your living that life that is your sexual orientation and not someone elses definition. It can be very confusing and best sorted out in therapy.

Your sexual relationships are yours and no one elses. And your sexual life can be a very healthy happy way to express your love for another person. It doesn’t have to be dirty or hurtful. It takes a lot of work and it can be worked out in therapy what your true orientation is. It is important to our personal identification as to who we are and who we express our love with.

If your worried what others think of your sexuality, your wasting time. They are more engrossed in their own lives to be worried about what your doing sexually. Only worry we have as the human community that is in common, isthe harming of children and taking their innocence from them. That is a common goal we are all party too. So, if you are confused in you sexuality and find that sex is a job not a pleasurable experience shared with someone with whom you can trust, it is something clearly to address with a therapist.


Jeanne M. Callahan Ba Hons Psychology (University of Essex, Colchester UK

I Have a Right to Tell.

When I was abused I learned that it was not OK and that, if I told anyone, I would be not OK either.  I may have been threatened by my abuser(s) about the consequences of telling what happened.
Maybe no one helped me when I was abused.  Or maybe I did try to tell, but got either ignored or not believed.  I may have come to believe, as a child, that telling someone or asking for help was very useless and that not being believed and protected was normal.
I know I had a right as a child to tell what happened.  I had a right to be protected from further abuse, and I had a right to receive love and care after the abuse happened.  I will tell now, at my own pace, and I will listen to my voice within.

  • It’s not ok to feel angry.
  • Anger is a waste of time and energy.
  • Good, nice people don’t feel angry.
  • We shouldn’t feel angry when we do.
  • We’ll lose control and go crazy if we get angry.
  • People will go away if we get angry with them.
  • Other people should never feel anger toward us.
  • If others get angry with us, we must have done something wrong.
  • If other people are angry with us, we made them feel that way and we’re responsible for fixing their feelings.
  • If we feel angry, someone else made us feel that way and that person is responsible for fixing our feelings.
  • If we feel angry with someone, the relationship is over and that perosn has to go away.
  • If we feel angry with someone, we should punish that person for making us feel angry.
  • If we feel angry with someone, that person has to change what he or she is doing so we don’t feel angry anymore.
  • If we feel angry, we have to hit someone or break something.
  • If we feel angry, we have to shout and holler.
  • If we feel angry with someone, it means we don’t love that person anymore.
  • If someone feels angry with us, it means that person doesn’t love us anymore.
  • Anger is a sinful emotion.
  • It’s ok to feel angry only when we can justify our feelings.
~Of course not all will apply to everyone…but worth thinking over.

Codependents frequently aren’t certain whom or when to trust.

Quit trying to make yourself trust someone you don’t trust.

We can trust ourselves.  We can trust ourselves to make good decisions about whom to trust.  Many of us have been making inappropriate decisions about trust.  It is not wise to trust an alcoholic to never drink again if that alcoholic has not received treatment for the disease of alcoholism.  It is not even wise to trust an alcoholic never to drink again if he or she has received treatment – there are no guarantees on human behaviour.  But we can trust people to be who they are.  We can learn to see people clearly.

Figure out if people’s words match their behaviours.  Is what they say the same as what they do?  As one woman puts it, “He’s looking real good, but he’s not acting any better.”

If we pay attention to ourselves and the messages we receive from the world, we will know whom to trust, when to trust, and why to trust a particular person.  We may discover we’ve always known whom to trust – we just weren’t listening to ourselves.

Rescuing and caretaking mean almost what they sound like.  We rescue people from their responsibilities.  We take care of people’s responsibilities for them.  Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done.  Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves.  That is the pattern, the triangle.
Rescuing and caretaking are synonymous.  Their definitions are closely connected to enabling.  Enabling is therapeutic jargon that means a destructive form of helping.  Any acts that help an alcoholic continue drinking, prevent the alcoholic from suffering consequences, or in any way make it easier for an alcoholic to continue drinking are considered enabling behaviours.
As counselor Scott Egleston says, we rescue anytime we take responsibility for another human being – for that person’s thoughts, feelings, decisions, behaviours, growth, well-being, problems, or destiny.  The following acts constitute a rescuing or caretaking move:
  • Doing something we don’t really want to do.
  • Saying yes when we mean no.
  • Doing something for someone although that person is capable of and should be doing it for him – or her – self.
  • Meeting people’s needs without being asked and before we’ve agreed to do so.
  • Doing more than a fair share of work after our help is requested.
  • Fixing people’s feelings.
  • Doing people’s thinking for them.
  • Speaking for another person.
  • Suffering people’s consequences for them.
  • Solving people’s problems for them.
  • Putting more interest and activity into a joint effort than the other person does.
  • Not asking for what we want, need, and desire.

We rescue whenever we take care of other people.

At the time we rescue or caretake we may feel one or more of the following feeings: discomfort and awdwardness about the other person’s dilemma; urgency to do something; pity; guilt; saintliness; anxiety; extreme responsibility for that person or problem; fear; a sense of being forced or compelled to do something; mild or severe reluctance to do anything; more competency than the person we are “helping”; or occasional resentment at being put in this position.  We also think the person we are taking care of is helpless and unable to do what we are doing for him or her.  We feel needed temporarily.

I am not referring to acts of love, kindness, compassion, and true helping – situations where our assistance is legitimately wanted and needed and we want to give that assistance.  These acts are the good stuff of life.  Rescuing or caretaking isn’t.

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot decide for you.
I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you about drinking, but I can’t say “no” for you.
I can warn you about drugs, but I can’t prevent you from using them.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can’t achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I can’t force you to be gracious.
I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.

Parent Author Unknown
~Posted by tigar on Perfect Daughters~