Posts Tagged ‘valiant’
My Child’s Honorable Courage to Survive.
As I think back on all the troubles and the odds that my inner-child fought against, just to survive, I cannot help but marvel at her courage. It is amazing that such a small spirit could prevail in the face of so many abuses, some on a daily basis.
I am learning to appreciate this young child’s courage by observing other survivors as they rail and fight against the offender feeling of shame, the feeling that tells them they do not deserve to live.
Every time I see a survivor turn toward life by simply confronting those sometimes all-consuming feelings of shame and fear, I can really celebrate my own inner-child’s miraculous courage for survival. She truly is a warrior and a gentle soul, still waiting to be loved and recognized. All my gratitude goes to that inner child for all her valiant and rather persistent efforts to survive under such odds.
My Need to Trust.
Trusting is one of the most difficult tasks I have to master. Because of my abuse, I learned that no one could be trusted – not me, not any God, and definately not other people. I have lived most of my life in fear, yet constantly longing to at last be able to trust someone or something.
As a child my natural instinct to trust was taken from me by my abusers. After repeated attempts at trusting other people, I didn’t experience a feeling of safety. People within my family were loyal only to the secret about the sexual abuse and did not provide a natural trusting environment for me. I quickly concluded that life and the world were not safe.
I need to be most gentle and patient with my need and longing to trust while healing. I have lived my life for so long with fear and distrust, that I need to be very patient, gentle, and slow with myself in developing this ability.
I can allow myself to take little risks in trusting as I “test the waters,” and I can notice, and appreciate my valiant efforts to change.