Sanctuary and Serenity

Valid and OK.

Posted on: March 26, 2010

How I Feel about My Abuser Right Now, Is OK and Valid.
My feelings about this may vary from day to day or even from moment to moment.  Especially if my sexual offender was a parent.  I may have many feelings that conflict.  I could spend a great deal of time trying to figure out how I “should” feel, how I am expected to feel.  Instead of this, I can let go and allow feelings I am having about my offender to be OK and valid for any moment.  If my offender was a parent, I might have very positive feelings for them and even gratitude for the gifts they passed on to me.
Some smells or the sight of certain objects or pictures may remind me of the nurturing gifts that that person shared with me when he wasn’t acting out in his sickness.  I may also, at some other time, be reminded of the atrocities of the horrendous sexual acts they committed against me as a child and feel hateful, vengeful, and disgusted.  These feelings are valid as well, just because they are.  I do not have to discard the positive feelings I might have toward my offender simply because I also feel negative feelings about the sexual abuse.
When I begin to heal, I will have and be able to validate all my feelings about my offender.  The important thing is to allow my inner-child to have all her feelings so she can begin to feel whole.  I can help her heal, as an adult, simply by validating her feelings and helping her to do whatever she needs to do – in a safe way – to express these feelings.  We can learn that both negative and positive feelings about a person or situation can exist together and we will be OK, and very sane.

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