Sanctuary and Serenity

Survivor Behaviours.

Posted on: March 26, 2010

Survivor Behaviours.
As a small child I invented and used a large repertoire of behaviours so I could survive my abuse.  I might have dissociated, or lived in a pretend world, or occupied my mind with triviality, like counting, or developed other personalities, and most likely buried any awkward, or “unacceptable” feelings by withdrawing, or feeling rageful, or preoccupied.  These are all common behaviours and thinking patterns that my creative, inner-child created so that my unique, special spirit could somehow survive the abuse, and so I could keep up a semblance of sanity as I withstood the abuse.
These same behaviours may be preventing further healing for me.  I will need to slowly and gently give up some of them, in my own time, so I can continue to recover from the side-effects of the abuse.  I can get suggestions and help from other people, but the real changing will have to happen within me.  All I need is a willingness, some patience, and a small amount of faith.
In order to let go of the old “survivor behaviours” that are hindering me, I need to realize they were there, and be thankful, and thank my inner-child for her creativity and resourcefulness in such a time of need.  She was and is a warrior, a fighter who refused to go down, even in the most horrid situations.  She calls out to be acknowledged and honored.  I am truly in awe when I consider the determination and strength that was held in so small a being.  She is a real trooper!


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